were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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