you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
