She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sext me about skeletons
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
