My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
