I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
