I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
