who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
