There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
