Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
