I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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