and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize