I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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