who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
