If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
