We need to rekindle our bromance
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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