dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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