You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize