I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
