remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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