my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
