i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
