it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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