Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
