Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
