I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
