My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
