I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
