She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
