You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
