Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
