So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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