thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
