there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
