I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
