At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
