Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
