OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
