im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
