At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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