Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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