Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
