did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
