You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
