Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
