Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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