You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
