it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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