Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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