in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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