so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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