SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
