I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
false alarm. still invincible.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
