i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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