In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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