you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
