Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
