i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
