Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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