Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
