If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
