Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
