one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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