I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
