I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
