need another drink. this is the easiest way
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize