At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
