I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
