Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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