saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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