I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
