I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
