Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
