I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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